As parents who raise their children with multiple languages, we have certain ideas about how that works and what we can do to help our kids develop their minority language. Among our ideas though, there may be some misconceptions that can lead to mistakes. Here are some of the most common misconceptions and mistakes I have noticed when talking to other parents over the years.
Thinking that just because you speak the language, your child will automatically speak the language too.
This is a fairly common idea. Unfortunately, it doesn’t really work that way. Raising children with multiple languages is not something that happens automatically. It requires commitment, time, and dedication. There has to be a need for children to use the minority language. Otherwise, they will most likely not speak it. So as parents, we need to set certain ground rules for using the minority language such as mom speaks German, dad speaks English (OPOL), we only speak Spanish at home (ML@H), or on Saturdays we only speak French (T&P).
Bottom line: raising children with multiple languages does not happen automatically. It takes a strategic, systematic, and dedicated approach.
Being inconsistent.
This is one of the most common issues. Raising children with multiple languages is like “walking the extra mile.” Simply put, it can be a challenge in terms of time and emotional commitment. We may often switch to the majority language or mix languages because it’s easier and more convenient. But if we as parents are not consistent and oftentimes switch to the majority language, then the child will most likely default to speaking the majority language.
Bottom line: regardless of whether you do OPOL, ML@H or T&P, make sure you are consistent and provide a strong monolingual role model for the minority language.
Correcting a child too much.
As adults we may respond positively or negatively when our language mistakes are corrected. Children are very much the same way. Depending on their mood and personality, they may take the correcting differently. Corey Heller put it nicely:
If our child returns from school and rushes in to tell us an exciting story about how a zoo keeper brought a real, live snake to his class, and instead of letting our child finish the story we interrupt him every step of the way to correct his grammar or vocabulary or pronunciation, our child may bit-by-bit stop telling us stories. He may even start to feel uncomfortable and annoyed when talking to us. Our children want to know that they matter more than a language, any language, no matter what.”
Bottom line: What a child says should always be more important than how she says it. However, this does not mean that we should not correct language errors. In fact, it is important to provide corrective feedback. But how we do it is key. Giving children corrective feedback needs to happen in a way that feels natural. It should be a natural part of the conversation or interaction. Here are some ideas for giving feedback in a natural way.
Comparing your child to other children.
Always comparing your child’s language abilities to other kids slowly eats away at your child’s confidence. Your child may start to believe that her language skills or—even worse—she herself is not good enough. Language use has a lot to do with building children’s confidence. So helping them become confident speakers of the minority language is key!
Bottom line: Too much comparison and a resulting loss of confidence will most likely taint your child’s relationship with the minority language and may even lead to them not wanting to use that language anymore.
Thinking that TV will teach my child a language.
Just having children watch TV in the minority language will most likely not result in their becoming speakers of that language. The reason: TV is a type of one-way communication. Children are mainly listening, but they don’t have to speak when watching TV. Thus, TV is an excellent training tool for practicing comprehension (Harding-Esch & Riley, 2003) because it can provide exposure to a range of words, accents, voices, genres, and cultural aspects that we cannot provide to a child in our everyday conversations at home. But it will not teach children a language or help them become speakers of that language. In fact, research has found that live interaction such as reading or talking to a child is much more effective than exposure to recorded sounds one finds in television, movies, or online videos (Kuhl, Feng-Ming, & Huei-Mei, 2003).
Bottom line: TV is a good resource for supplemental exposure—especially for practicing comprehension—but by itself it will not be as effective as interaction with another person who speaks the minority language. The more you talk to your child or read to your child, the more your child will actively use the minority language. So maybe make it a habit of watching TV shows together (if time permits). That way, you can talk about what you watched later on.
Thinking it is too late.
Many parents think that it is too late if they did not start using multiple languages from birth. This is a fairly common misconception. The general rule of thumb is “the earlier, the better” but there is no rule that says “if you didn’t start on day one, it’s too late.” Although it might be easier to lay the ground rules for using multiple languages if the children are younger, it is not impossible to change the rules for language use later on when the children are older. It is challenging though and you may need to be quite determined and a bit creative. For example, start introducing reading sessions using books in the minority language or look for other families with the same minority language and schedule play dates. The key is to increase—slowly but steadily—the use of the minority language. It’s unrealistic to make a hard switch from one day to the next and expect children to follow suit. Instead, a gradual and systematic introduction will probably be more successful. Bottom line: it is never too late to change or add a language, but it may be more challenging the older the kids are because it requires a stamina and strategy to succeed.
Listening to misconceptions.
With or without multiple languages, becoming a parent is a major step in anyone’s life. Funny enough though, we take a driving test before we are allowed to drive a car. We finish university or an apprenticeship before we work in a certain job. But becoming a parent does not require a test that certifies that we are ready. So we learn as we go and oftentimes listen to those around us who offer well-meant (sometimes unsolicited) advice. When it comes to raising children bilingually, there are still a lot of misconceptions around. For example, I spoke to a dental hygienist once. She told me that she was from Poland and her husband from Turkey. When I asked whether they raised their children with three languages, she began telling me that raising children with multiple languages would confuse the children and ultimately lead them having less academic success in school. Similarly, I spoke to parents who were told by pediatricians that using multiple languages may cause speech delays. We have clear evidence that learning multiple languages from birth neither leads to confusion nor to speech delays.
Bottom line: it is important to listen to advice, but then we should consider whether a piece of advice makes sense for your own situation. If in doubt, ask experts who have specialized in bilingualism.
Not having a support network.
Raising a child with multiple languages works best if you have different people who support your bilingual journey. These people can provide support in different ways. They can provide emotional support. So you can lean on them when things are getting rough and you face challenges such as your child refusing to speak the minority language. For example, other bilingual parents may know best how you feel. People can also provide language support so you can draw on them to interact with your child in the minority language. For instance, I draw upon my family in Germany to expose my daughter to German. Even during the pandemic when traveling to Europe is not an option, my mother and sister regularly speak with my children via FaceTime. The more speakers a child interacts with, the wider the range of words, genres, dialects etc. the child will experience.
Bottom line: If you don’t have such a network of supporters, the entire load will fall on you to deal with emotional issues and provide the range and variety of language the child needs to develop conversational fluency.
Putting a child’s language on the spot.
If children feel that they are being forced to do something weird or embarrassing, they will probably resist it. While some children may be okay with showing off their language skills on demand, others may be more reluctant and feel like a “circus horse” if they are being asked to “perform a language.”
Bottom line: it is important to make children feel at ease using a language and rather help them develop a positive relationship with that language instead of singling them out and putting them and their language on the spot. If done repeatedly, it may even lead to them resenting the minority language.
Have you noticed other mistakes? Leave a comment!
References:
- Bonfiglio, C. 8 mistakes parents make when raising bilingual children. Retrieved from https://bilingualkidspot.com/2016/07/12/mistakes-parents-make-raising-bilingual-children/
- Harding-Esch, E. & Riley, P. (2003). The bilingual family—A handbook for parents. Cambridge: Cambridge University.
- Kuhl, P., Feng-Ming, T., & Huei-Mei, L. (2003). Foreign-language experience in infancy: Effects of short-term exposure and social interaction on phonetic learning. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, 100(15), 9096–9101. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC166444/
