Keelan is American. He lives in the United States with his wife and three children. He learned German in school and spent a year as an exchange student in Germany. When he became a father nine years ago, he decided that he wanted to pass on the ability to understand and speak German to his children. So he began speaking German to his son back then and has—to the extent possible—kept it up over the years. See the entire story here.
“I do have to clearly force myself to think in German because it doesn’t come completely naturally to me all the time and I struggle to paraphrase things or to—a lot of vocabulary for interaction with children; like all of the vocabulary related to construction sites and construction vehicles. Those are things that I didn’t know because I didn’t learn that when I was living in Germany. So when my son was 2 and he was interested in that, I had to go out and research those words and learn them to talk with him about that. We got a German game, a card game called Baustelle (construction site) which actually had all of them on there. So he learned a lot of the words like Bagger (digger) and things like that in German before he learned it in English. I have consciously tried to get different resources to help out; like some games, some books, some other media like songs and things like that; and that definitely does help too.”
You are not alone— many parents do it!
There is a common belief that you should be a native speaker of the language in which you speak to your child. Oftentimes this belief is rooted in the idea that as a non-native speaker you pass on an accent or incorrect grammar. Corey Heller, Founder of Multilingual Living, made a good point. As she acknowledged that this may happen, she argued “But what are the benefits of NOT raising them bilingually at all? It is worth the effort to continue what you are doing and in addition to find as much native-language exposure for your children as possible” (Heller, 2010).
In reality, many parents like Keelan do it. They do it successfully! And they do it for various reasons. Keelan, for example, wanted to expose his children to another language. Other parents may want to pass on a spouse’s (i.e., the minority) language and culture to their children to ensure the connection with family in the home countries. Whatever the reasons, it can be quite rewarding, but also quite challenging at times.
Is it easy to raise bilingual children as a non-native speaker?
No, raising bilingual children as a non-native speaker comes with its own challenges. Many of the challenges are those shared by all parents who are raising bilingual children. But then others might be unique to non-native speakers. For example, you may find people questioning your decision: “Why are you raising your child in a language that is not your own?” In other words, you may find yourself in a position in which you have to defend your choice—something that can create self-doubt and feelings of being an imposter. But then, remember, you are not alone. There are many parents who have taken that leap of faith and embarked on this journey. As King and Foley (2006) have argued: additive bilingualism, that is, raising children in a language that is not your native language, “has become part of mainstream parenting” (p. 707).
Here are a few things for you to consider. They may help you as you maneuver unchartered waters on your bilingual journey:
1) What is your motivation?
It takes dedication, stamina, and commitment to raise children with multiple languages. So before embarking on that journey, you may need to consider why you want to raise your children with multiple languages? What is your motivation? Is your motivation strong enough to keep going and weather the storm?
2) What is your family’s language situation?
You probably need all the help and encouragement you can get. So it’s important that you and your partner are on the same page. Is your partner okay with you using the target language? Does your partner understand the target language too? Can s/he be helpful in terms of providing target language input? Or is it a language you only share with your children? In that case, how can you ensure that nobody in the family feels left out?
3) How proficient are you in the target language?
This may be an uncomfortable question, but then it’s an important one that requires an honest answer. It’s important to be realistic about your abilities and limitations in the target language. You may be fluent in reading an academic paper, but do you know every-day words like diaper, pacifier, or lovey in the target language? Just as Keelan mentioned: he had to learn all of the words around a construction site in German when his two-year old became interested in diggers (Bagger), jack-hammers (Presslufthammer), and power drills (Bohrmaschinen). So it’s important to be realistic in terms of what you can provide and where you may need to rely on other resources like native speakers.
4) How comfortable are you with the target language?
Language is very much tied to emotions. It is a key aspect of our identity and who we are. So it functions as a strong bond between a parent and a child. For example, a friend of mine was raised bilingually with German and Greek. When she had children, she said that it felt foreign and unnatural to her to speak German to her children so she opted for the language closer to her heart: Greek. So what I’m saying is: “Te quiero” or “Ich hab dich lieb!” may not have the same emotional equivalence as “I love you” for you which may create an unexpected emotional hurdle when using the target language with your children at all times.
5) How dedicated are you?
As Keelan said that resources were important—especially ones that may also provide some native speaker input. He said that he used games, books, and other media. In addition to these media, you will also need access to some native speakers. So what are your opportunities to expose your child to native speakers and interaction in the target language in addition to you interacting with her? For example, is there a Meetup group that holds playdates in your target language with native speaker parents? Is there a school that offers target-language education programs that you could join? Do you have native speakers in the neighborhood or as friends? How dedicated are you to keep up the consistent creation of opportunities?
6) What is your language goal?
It is also a question what you are expecting as a result. Have realistic goals! If you are expecting your child to be equally perfect in both languages (i.e., a perfect or balanced bilingual), you may set the bar too high. That is most likely not going to happen—as it also does not happen in many, many other cases in which parents do speak their two different native languages to the child. In fact, only a very small percentage of bilinguals are equally strong in both languages! For the majority of bilinguals, one language is dominant! So expecting too much is not only unrealistic, it can create unnecessary pressure, frustration, and even a sense of failure (King & Fogle, 2006; Okita, 2001). Maybe look at it this way: keep the journey fun and enjoyable. Listening comprehension alone in an additional language is already a success and a gift!
7) What target language resources can you use and offer?
Resources and media in the target language are key to providing a rich language environment for your child. For instance, songs, books, games, videos, visits to see theater plays in the target language, and bilingual education opportunities are all good ideas to seek out. For example, does your local library have books in your target language? Or are there other ways that you can get your hands on books in the target language (e.g., via subscription services like Kinderbooks)? Are there plays or theater groups in your area that stage shows in the target language you and your child can watch or even get involved in? Is there a school that offers classes in the target language (e.g., German Language School in Morris County)? Can you travel to a country where the target language is spoken so your child can immerse in the language?
8) Do you have a support network?
First and foremost, it is important to connect with other parents who are raising bilingual children—ideally those that are raising their kids in the same target language. They can provide support and reassurance for your decision which may help build the confidence you need to explain your decision to those who question you. More importantly, they may have strategies, insights, and tips that are helpful when it comes to understanding and dealing with every day challenges. So is there a language playgroup you can join with your child? Is there a parent support group in your area? If not, can you create one? Or is joining an online group for families raising bilingual and multilingual children a better fit for you?
It takes commitment, courage, and creativity to master the journey
While all these questions may make it appear quite daunting to raise a child in a language that is not your native language, they may help in preparing yourself for the realities of non-native bilingual parenting. Plus, there is a positive take away: It IS possible and rewarding to raise bilingual children in a language that is not your native language! Is it challenging? For sure! Is it easy for native speaker parents to raise bilingual children? No! Each situation comes with its own peccadilloes! And it takes commitment, courage, and creativity to master that journey! So it comes down to you as a parent and your personal decision.
Further reading:
Personal accounts
Bonfiglio, C., & Lincow, J. A. Raising bilingual kids as a non-native speaker in English and Spanish
Research
King, K., & Fogle, L. (2006). Bilingual parenting as good parenting: Parents’ perspectives on family language policy for additive bilingualism. International Journal of Bilingual Education and Bilingualism, 9(6), 695-712.
- Explore how parents come to make the decision regarding the language they use in their family.
Okita, T. (2001). Invisible work. Bilingualism, language choice and childrearing in intermarried families. Amsterdam: John Benjamins.
- Addresses the aspect of emotional support for parents and the importance of setting realistic language outcomes.
Patterson, J. L. (2002). Relationship of expressive vocabulary to frequency of reading and television experience among bilingual toddlers. Applied Psycholinguistics 23, 493-508.
- Shows that book reading is more effective approach to developing languages than watching videos.
